Broken

Yes, I have been broken many times. Too many to be counted in fact. But, this time. I really felt shattered, useless. But, is there anything that I can do to mend it? I don't think there is. I think I can only blame myself for being so broken this time. For not having the urgency to get the particulars. For causing all these trouble. For breaking everyone down. I just feel that I suck. I don’t see any qualities in me. All I know is to say, say and say, but not do, do and do.

Also, I have misjudged once more. Yes, I may have judged one correctly, but I’ve judged the other one wrongly. I feel hurt to hurt. I know even a million apologies won’t help. I have a heart, not made of stone. I have feelings, that maybe no one know. I may look fierce, without feelings but I do have. I do expect much, but I do care about how others feel. I do care. I had tried to ask around, to seek possibilities. But it can’t be mended. It really can’t.

I feel crashed down. I feel like crying. I need a support.

I have so much to say, but I don’t know how to put them in words. There is so much running through my mind. I want to tell it to someone, but no one is free. Who really understands how I feel? Who really cares about it? I guess, not a single soul. How I wish I can just sleep and not wake.