Changed and Still Changing. Growing

I was talking to a senior. A senior that I once disliked, and had a grudge with. But now, we are good friends. We often talk. I told her that my next aim is to become a Cadet Inspector. She told me this “Its good to have a passion. ((:” And, I told her somehow its not my passion. Somehow, its the things that happened that touched me.

Its because of this, that I have met nice and caring seniors that would be there to help me, to guide me. Nice and caring seniors that would always be there whenever I need them. Even though these relationships started out to be bad, with grudges, but it always ends up smooth. At least for now. I told her, that I am being touched by how passionate the person that I’ve seen. How they could forsake their hair and make a sacrifice.

Also, I told her that it enjoy seeing my cadets changing and growing up just like I do. My cadets resembles me, because I used to rebel my Cadet Leaders too. I enjoy imparting my skills to them, teaching what is right to them, teaching them some skills that will allow them to bring back after the end of their 4/5 years.

Also, this had made me learn many things. It made me see through some people. It made me recognize some friends that are hard to find. Some friends that appear to be joking to you, but deep down, they really do care. Also, I won’t forget those that made me not leave NP when I wanted to, many times. Yes, I wanted to turn my back against it and walk away, because I dislike the things that I have to do. I can say proudly, I am still here, because of my cadets. Its the amount that they have changed that spurs me on. Even though they do disappoints me at times, I am proud to see them changing, to see them learning.

Upon saying this. She told me. “You have grown up.” I proceeded on to continue, that I am still changing and learning from each training. Trying to be someone better as compared to the past. Then, she said something that made me touched. Real touched. “This is so like a matured girl.”

Since the day she’d passed out as a cadet leader. I have always been sharing with her my journey here, ranting to her and telling her what I am going through or have been through. But never once have she said that I have matured. The most is that she had said that I had grown. I was happy to receive that comment. But, I still think that I have not matured, because I still have a whole lot to learn. I still need to change, to control my temper. To let fate control things. To do things that people ask me to, to not procrastinate. There are so many weak points in me that I had named it out to her. Also, I told her that I still reacts the same way as I did in the past. But now, after reacting, I do think about my mistakes, reflecting them and trying to make amendments and change. Then, she told me this. “Yes. In the past, you wouldn’t think so far. ((: That is the part that you’ve changed.” And, that was the end of our sharing today.

You may ask, why am I posting it out now? I am posting it out now, because I want to show that I really mean what I’ve been saying for the past few days. I will still continue to change and grow. To become matured, and to understand things more. I will try to let things be done by fate. Not forgetting, I won’t let my feelings take over me. I will do what I am supposed to do.

All in all, this have shaped me and changed me to another person. I would too, like to change others just like others changed me. I would like to do something good in return, in another year to come. Wait for me. When I say I will, I will.

I may not forget what had happened, I may still hold the grudge against that person. But, its hard to change. Because, that person had hurt me badly. Nothing can change the fact. What can be changed now, is my attitude towards things. How am I going to face with challenges in the future. As for that person, I am still trying to throw her to the back of my memory. ((:

Till then. ((: