Summary of what I have done this week…
This week is like full of going outs, especially to ECP.
Monday 231109
Cut grass on that day. I think that its quite nice, quite cool I think.
Then, went ECP for a picnic session with a weird combination of people. Not really very weird, but kind of unexpected. Sok Shan, Clarence, Sidney, Gerald, Nellie and Nellie Sis. Weird right? But I think we had fun, at least I did even though I lost my face whilst playing stress with Nellie’s sister. She is really good! Koi after picnic (YVH I know you won’t be reading this, but I think you are jealous! MUAHAHAAH!)
Tuesday 241109
Woke up at 0930, and prepared my stuffs. Then went Bedok Inter to collect the flowers. I was totally shocked! That lady told me that its green white, but it looks totally green to me! Colourblind also not that bad right? Know what it looks like? It looks like asparagus. Then, happily I thought that I am going to the resort already. So, I followed Jeannette’s instruction and alighted at Neptune court. Then, I called then and they said that they were still at NTUC. WTH ?! So, being so free, I walked all the way from Neptune court to Parkway NTUC. I forgot how many bus stops it was, but it was quite long.
Yes, so with the school bag, and the flower, I slowly strolled there. Then, they were already going to pay. Murni and Valerie sneaked out to IDK where. They claimed that they went to buy plates, when we were already at NTUC. Being so trusting, I just believed it. == Went Jeannette’s house to slack till around 2, and then checked in at the resort. Small, but very cozy. Had lunch and off we went cycling! Cycled from 4 to 6 if I was not wrong, and went back to set up the fire for BBQ !
I was supposed to pick Ghangaa up from the bus stop because she said that she did not know how to go, but YaoMing called and asked for directions, and said that they would be coming together. So, I did not had to go! Its a long walk okay! Then, after awhile, Ghangaa appeared, without YaoMing. So, in the end they did not come together.
So, being a bit cheeky (but failed), I tried to hide the flower behind me, but she saw. She said that she liked it, but I think that its ugly. Aw, its okay I guess. :D She gave me something too! I was really shock, really. Thanks a lot!
Then, at night had the BBQ, was busy fanning the thing, and playing. HEHEHE ! Then, finally THEY (cause I forgot who), appeared with a piece of cake, a care bear and a rose, each for me and Ghangaa. Thanks, really really. :D Then, ate and those whom were not staying left at around 9+.
Those stayed, Me, Valerie, Shi Hsiang, Dennis, Foong Kit, Han Rui , Han Ming and Jeannette(went home very late) played true or dare, and asked a lot of stupid questions, and helped to finish the food. After that, we went for night cycling which was very fun! We even wanted to cycle to the Flyer, because we could see it , and it LOOKED near. But we didn’t, cause we did not want to be on the papers the next day.
Then, went back around midnight. Jeannette went home, and we cycled to the jetty and slacked there. Finished all the snacks and drinks. After enjoying the breeze, it was cold okay. Then went back and all had our bathes. After which, we (Me, Valerie, Shi Hsiang, Foong Kit and Han Ming) went Macs to get something to eat, and went to the beach to slack around. We talked alot too ! (Me and Valerie) Know why Han Rui and Dennis weren’t there? They were inside the chalet sleeping, even though I think only Han Rui slept. Went back to sleep at around 6, and woke up at around 9. Tired, but its still fun ! Played around, and checked out. :D
Wednesday 251109
Right after we checked out, I was walking to the bus stop, Lijing called. Guess what she wanted. Swensens Ice Cream buffet! Yayness! (Even though I did not eat a lot) So, went home to change and met Nellie at Bedok station, and then trained to Eunos station to wait for Lijing. Went Orchard Ion for the buffet. I felt damn shag then. So, was just slacking around. Had the “Ice Cream Competition” . Mine was the simplest, but I think that mines the nicest okay! :D Unique.
After that, trained to Vivo to walk around. Okay, my mind then was totally blank, so I just followed where they went. :X Then went home.
Overall, this week have been fun. :D
Till then .
4:12 PM
Before this,
I naively believe that when we are talking, everything will be alright.
I felt that the hurt that you have caused will be erased after time.
But now,
I strongly belief that it won’t.
You’ve hurt me once, you can hurt me again once more.
You may not have learnt.
Maybe you don’t feel as much as me.
Maybe you are very blunt.
But it doesn’t mean that I have to be hurt right?
Many people can say mean things.
But not all are hurtful.
Sometimes, you can just mend them by cracking a joke.
Its simple. Have it crossed your mind?
I am lost, really.
I don’t know if I am right or wrong.
I don’t know how do I feel right now, because it changes every moment.
I don’t know to be angry or happy.
In short, I don’t know how to react .
I have been thinking about this for some time.
But, I just can’t find the solution.
Can anyone help me ?
Nah, I guess its only me that can help myself.
Till then.
11:49 PM
Sec3 Camp
Another post about camp. Shag. 4D3N. I think a bit close to OBS, considering the fact that OBS is 5D4N right? LOLS ! But I don’t quite enjoy the camp. I like the place, I like the instructors (even though I don’t get to see the one that I want to see, right SSA08? ) , I like some of the activities and I like my group. But I don’t like how its planned. Some people just want to spoil the day.
Okay! So, I shall just elaborate on some of the activities. Kayaking. Paired with YanRen, luckily its someone that I know. *phew* Seasick on the journey back. I swear I felt like fainting. High Elements was rather okay. I conquered my failure at STC. ((: Rather slow, but good eh? Paired up with HanRui for one of the activities. That one rocked! I mean, we trusted each other, relied on each other. Then we succeed! NP ROCKS! :D But one thing was, I knocked my head the the steps whilst climbing up. I was wearing a helmet, if not I wouldn’t be here right now. :X
Improvised rafting was okay too! Did the same activity last year there, but forgot how we built the raft last year. After the feedback from lijing, I feel that I seriously need to improve on my MOI, because no one understood what I said. Sad eh? But, I will definitely improve, for NP’s sake! ((: Oh!! Back to the raft. It did not break apart after launching. Not bad, because we all (or most of us) thought that it would sink. The one SSA08 built last year broke apart if I was not wrong. HAHA ! :D
Okay ! Overall for this camp is 7/10. The toilets are far too dirty. I almost puked whilst coming out of the toilet after washing up on the last day, like REALLY ! There was tissue everywhere around the sink. Sucks man! And, there is no camp shirt this year. Like, what for go for the camp? I think many people go for the camp, for the shirt. At least part of me thinks this way.
Then break camped! :D
I miss Sam, I miss Myra.
Wayne and Kristine are good too !
But, I just miss them. :(
10:25 AM
STC 09
Yes, it may be only fun for certain activities. But, somehow I enjoyed it. I have learnt a lot from this camp, and somehow understand a bit about some stuffs too, I guess. I shall not elaborate on the activities. More on reflection, I guess. ((:
Met a SIR this year, whom at first I thought it would be rather not fun, with his slack face, and blur attitude. He is BingJie SIR. This STC is his first STC as a CI. So, I guess he had done a good job. Really. I have never seen a CI that treats cadets, somehow just like his own squad mate. Even though he is often seen at other places, I think. But I guess its because of his attitude. He is always seen doing something. Really. I had a lot of fun in this camp, and learnt a lot, I guess a lot of it owes to him. Thanks. ((:
Next up ! My own reflections. I want to tell this to my cadets, but I guess I will just do it when school reopens. I really hope that they will change. It may sound stupid, but its true. Every time when I shout at them, when I scold them. It hurts deep inside. Deep inside, I always think about how to motivate them. How to change their mindset. But I always fail to make them motivated. I guess, I will seek help soon. Really soon.
I shall type it all down here, in case I go crazy thinking everyday. :( It all started on the first night of STC, where I somehow found a meaning for me to be there. We had 3 debriefs for that night. Group debrief, mass debrief and school debrief. Group debrief and school debrief wasn’t that well done. It made me thought for sometime. I looked at BingJie SIR and Ghangaa MDM during these two debriefs, group and school respectively. Guess what their faces reminded me of? Their faces reminded me of myself. Yes, MYSELF ! Their disappointed faces. Just like me, in the unit.
I have always been rather disappointed with my cadets, but still I belief that one day they will make me proud. And, seeing their disappointed remind me of myself. Then I realized, I have no rights to be scolding them, because I make my CIs disappointed too. But, this makes me strive even more, to set a good example for them. So, yes. Day2 was better, me with a neater hair. And of course, a more enthusiastic face.
But, on our way out after break camp today. I was walking at the back, with Jeannette. We were trying to lead them to sing a song. Just to repeat after us and sing. They did not even give a damn about us. What is that? They are tired, but I am too. Is it that they don’t understand? They slept in a cramped place, I slept in a cramp place too! They had a camp, and I had too! But, they just did not bother about us. Maybe one or two did. It did not change even when its those CLs in front leading. I was shagged. I really was.
Anyway, its over now. I just hope for the best when school reopens. I just hope that I will be able to motivate them. I know I can. ((: Sorry for boring you guys out in this post. Although I think no one is reading.
Till then
7:53 PM
It hurts
It hurts so bad, getting from bad to worse. Really. I am out of breathe. I am. I want to be a kid once more. I want to turn back time to 2years back. I don’t want all these. Cause it suck.
I am worried, like almost everyday. I get more and more sensitive. I hate it. All I want is a home. A HOME ! A home where I will feel save in it. A home with warmth. They don’t have to be rich. But I want happiness from it. I want a home. But, it seemed as though I have lost it. I miss it now.
Everyday and night, even if I am out. I think about them. I am afraid that they may quarrel. I want to let go. I don’t want to care. But I can’t. I really can’t.
God. Can you please save me? Can you please grant me this wish? I want a home, badly. I am trying hard to be good. I have changed a big lot, but still am not perfect. Will you please, grant me this wish? Please .
11:16 AM
Updates !
After all the emo posts, I guess its time for some updates yea? Eventhough I don’t think anyone is reading, because there is no one tagging. *cries*
Okay, this week is rather fun packed yea ? ;D I don’t think I can and there is no need for me to whine about results. I guess, there is nothing much more I can ask for. ((: Oh! And I obtained distinction in the NSW Math competition. Not bragging, but I am proud of myself ! HEHE ! Lastly, I passed my SGT test. Was rather tensed before that. After the parade, felt so light, so happy. ((:
Friday, also celebrated AHZAI’s birthday ! Don’t be an AHZAI already can ?! HAHAS! And lijing kept saying that she did the most thing, which is rather true. :X
Yesterday, celebrated lijing’s birthday. They baked cake for her. Why is it they? Cause I dint bake. :X I had something on, thats why! :X Shall elaborate more later. (getting excited to talk about it) Okay. But, I did play a part in the watch, and of course the note. It was supposed to be a surprise, but she dint look as though she was surprised.
Okay. So, what did I do yesterday morning? Its of course spending time, on the field ! :D I guess its going to be a routine soon. Training! :D And of course getting to know more people, coming every week. Its rather fun you know, for me at least. :D
And, this 3 days (yesterday, today, tomorrow), will be spent on the field I guess. With yesterday’s training and pickup today and tomorrow. Never been there before, but I guess it will be a good experience. Lets just hope that it wont rain okay? ((:
I think that its getting a bit lengthy. So, ending here.
Till then
Dear Friend
It isn’t the same anymore, even though I have made it.
Even though we do talk, the feeling isn’t the same.
We ain’t that close anymore for sure.
It would feel more awkward to talk to you for sure.
Everything have changed, and I mean it.
No matter how many times I try to talk to you.
It won’t be the same anymore.
But I guess its much better now, as we do talk at least.
I just want to wish you all the best in everything you do.
Bye Friend.
9:10 AM