STC 09

Yes, it may be only fun for certain activities. But, somehow I enjoyed it. I have learnt a lot from this camp, and somehow understand a bit about some stuffs too, I guess. I shall not elaborate on the activities. More on reflection, I guess. ((:

Met a SIR this year, whom at first I thought it would be rather not fun, with his slack face, and blur attitude. He is BingJie SIR. This STC is his first STC as a CI. So, I guess he had done a good job. Really. I have never seen a CI that treats cadets, somehow just like his own squad mate. Even though he is often seen at other places, I think. But I guess its because of his attitude. He is always seen doing something. Really. I had a lot of fun in this camp, and learnt a lot, I guess a lot of it owes to him. Thanks. ((:

Next up ! My own reflections. I want to tell this to my cadets, but I guess I will just do it when school reopens. I really hope that they will change. It may sound stupid, but its true. Every time when I shout at them, when I scold them. It hurts deep inside. Deep inside, I always think about how to motivate them. How to change their mindset. But I always fail to make them motivated. I guess, I will seek help soon. Really soon.

I shall type it all down here, in case I go crazy thinking everyday. :( It all started on the first night of STC, where I somehow found a meaning for me to be there. We had 3 debriefs for that night. Group debrief, mass debrief and school debrief. Group debrief and school debrief wasn’t that well done. It made me thought for sometime. I looked at BingJie SIR and Ghangaa MDM during these two debriefs, group and school respectively. Guess what their faces reminded me of? Their faces reminded me of myself. Yes, MYSELF ! Their disappointed faces. Just like me, in the unit.

I have always been rather disappointed with my cadets, but still I belief that one day they will make me proud. And, seeing their disappointed remind me of myself. Then I realized, I have no rights to be scolding them, because I make my CIs disappointed too. But, this makes me strive even more, to set a good example for them. So, yes. Day2 was better, me with a neater hair. And of course, a more enthusiastic face.

But, on our way out after break camp today. I was walking at the back, with Jeannette. We were trying to lead them to sing a song. Just to repeat after us and sing. They did not even give a damn about us. What is that? They are tired, but I am too. Is it that they don’t understand? They slept in a cramped place, I slept in a cramp place too! They had a camp, and I had too! But, they just did not bother about us. Maybe one or two did. It did not change even when its those CLs in front leading. I was shagged. I really was.

Anyway, its over now. I just hope for the best when school reopens. I just hope that I will be able to motivate them. I know I can. ((: Sorry for boring you guys out in this post. Although I think no one is reading.

Till then