God wanted me to know this today:
You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and ...fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive.
Its rather true, but how? I have lost all the confidence to take the step out, and accept the reality. The truth always hurts, thats why people lie. Maybe all I need is time.
Actually , I am here today , to rant about other things.
So, yea...
Sometimes , I really look up to those people, whereby they don't have a good family background, and by right they are supposed to be easily influenced. They should be those that will smoke, and are rather bad. But they aren't. They are able to hold back, and resist the temptations eventhough they do not have a good family background.
What about me? I don't have a really good family background, but I have better ones than them, I think. But what did I do in the past? I was unable to resist the temptation, and I became someone really bad. Is it me, or the world? I am always doing the bad things, and I don't realise the mistake until I have really learnt. Is it cause of my character? Or is it called Life ? I don't really know. Someone tell me alright.
Its been months since the last stick. I ain't doing it anymore, at least not till when I get abit older. But, the feeling is still there. Whenever theres a topic about it, I will still think about it. I guess, I am just holding back. I guess, I have not changed. Its just that I practise more self-control, more self-discipline. Thats why I don't walk back to the path. Maybe its the law too. Who knows, 3years down the road. I may walk back to that kind of life again. By then, I may not be the Juliana that you know now. Maybe I will still be the same, like I said, I am just holding back now.
All in all, I ain't sure. This road is full of many uncertainties. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, next month, next year, or a few years down the road. But, I don't even know how I feel now. I always have a mixed feeling. A feeling of lost. A feeling whereby I want to say out but I don't know how to start. I guess, I am still in the midst of changing. I ain't a saint afterall.
Alright, till then . ((:
I guess this will be the place where all my feelings go.
nothing is ever important .
3:31 PM
3:31 PM