dnno y luhhs.. today almos did it.. e penknife was on my hand.. holding it, wanting to do it.. it stayed at my skin for sometime.. before i put it on e ground.. i was lost.. i really was.. at e point of time, i thought that if i cut, it doesnt matter if it turned back to zero.. it was hw i felt.. bt in e end, i did not do it.. nw, in my heart, i haf e feeling that.. one day i will do it.. if i really do it one day, i am sorry.. i really am.. x(